Stories about how I deal with
Cerebral Palsy
When things seem different, it’s hard for people to accept what they don’t normally see in everyday life, especially when they don’t quite understand how to react. Take, for instance, my disability, which is Cerebral Palsy better known as “CP”. I have had CP since birth, so it is difficult to understand what “normal” is, but my question is does anybody?
Ever since I can remember, children have been one of the most amusing experiences I have ever come across. Up until I was in fifth grade, I was in schools that had disabled students only, and I did not have to deal too much with children who were not disabled. Only when my mother would take me shopping, did I notice the other children and how they would make their silly little remarks or make faces, which in return, I would have to make goofy faces back at them. Then I was moved into a school where there was one class for the disabled, and all the rest of the classes were filled with “normal” children. Once I was with children who could run, jump, and play all the games the children played at that age. I began to want to be like the children that I had seen. While at recess one day, I decided to get out of my wheelchair, and I got behind the wheelchair so I could use it like a walker. The children would look and stare, but I didn’t care because I wanted to be like them and just have fun like they were. It didn’t go over that well. Some would laugh, and others would make funny faces and try to imitate my every move, but it didn’t bother me. I just went on my way and laughed until one of the aids came and put me back in my wheelchair. But as soon as they leave, I would just get back up and try and do it again.
A few months later, I had one of my annual doctor’s appointments, and that is when they gave me my first real walker. I thought I was hot stuff, until that day when I was walking from a class, and this boy I kind of had a crush on offered to walk me to wherever I was going. I got excited when I got excited, I tended to start to shake; then my nerves got bad which made it very difficult to speak, so by the time we got back to class I could not even breathe, let alone talk to him. He almost had to give me CPR.
When I got to high school, the children were just bizarre. At this age in teenagers’ lives, they don’t care about anybody but themselves. Sometimes I felt as though I had a disease, especially with guys. The girls were not that bad; it was more the guys that gave me trouble. For example, it’s hard to get dates when you have this person that shakes every time a cute guy comes along and says “hi”, and it takes all you have not to be nervous and move around uncontrollably. But when all the focus is on not moving and trying to stay in your wheelchair, then when you try to talk, you lose it all, and the guy you were impressed by just walks away. Another perfect example is when a girlfriend of mine knew I liked this guy who helps in homeroom, a classroom for disabled students when they have problems with other classes or anything else that might happen to pop up. One time we were watching a movie, and this guy was sitting in front of my girlfriend and me while watching this movie. Lisa, my girlfriend, decided to tease me about telling him that I liked him. Well, Lisa wasn’t teasing; she told him right then and there. Let’s just say he was a little shocked; he didn’t even look at me for two weeks. I guess he never had a girl with a disability like him before. Some teachers were not quite the best at understanding either. The one that came to mind was a math teacher; the second I got in his class, he asked me if I could write, of course, I replied no; the next thing I knew, I was out there. That was okay by me because the replacement teacher I had was great; I even got a “B” out of the class.
There were so many other reactions that I have gotten from different kinds of people. For instance, when I’m at the Valley Plaza, I get some of the funniest glances. I recall this girl that was by me who had this strange look on her face, it was as if she saw an alien from outer space, all the while, still walking to wherever she was going. People, young and old, would look and comment on how I would do things, like if I took too long to get my money out to pay for something. Sometimes when people get impatient, I have even more time to get my money out. That’s what gets their pants or dress in an uproar. Also, there have been times when people will come up to my money for no apparent reason at all. My favorite one was when I was buying a Christmas present for an ex-boyfriend of mine, and the gentleman offered to pay for the gift just because he wanted to.
I may have been coping with my disability, but it wasn’t until I got to Bakersfield College that I accepted my disability, but it wasn’t until I got to Bakersfield college that I accepted my disability. B.C. was something new and different than what I was accustomed to in high school or elementary school. At first, I was a little bit hesitant to go on, but I knew if I didn’t go on, I would just be sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing but watching soaps all day. Not that I don’t watch them anyway, but at least that’s not all that I do. I have learned so much, not just from classes that I have taken, but from people who were in the boat as I am. I was amazed at how many people went to B.C. who had disabilities of some kind or another. I started to meet new people who had the same issues as I did, and I felt good that I wasn’t alone. I also got to know some of the people who worked at the college and that is when I felt more comfortable with my disability. Joyce Kirst, an instructor for the High Tech Center, gave me my first job. After working there for a few semesters, she entered me in this contest that had a brand-new IBM home computer for the prize. When I won, I had to make a speech in front of twenty or more people. My first thought was Joyce, you had to be kidding, I had never made that kind of speech in my life. I practiced what I was going to say for a week. Finally, when I made it, I could not stop; people probably would never shut up. At least I did get over my shyness, even though people probably would like to have seen me a little shyer.
I began to open up to a whole new area in my life. At the weekends I started staying at a girlfriend’s house, and some of my other friends took us to my first bar, and to say the least, I was astonished at the way that people acted. When we first went in, they were saying “Why would they come they come in this bar or something to that effect. When a few hours passed, and everybody had time to get a few drinks down their throats, it started to get exciting. While sitting at our table, people would be dancing and coming up to us to ask if we wanted to dance with them. At first, I was thinking how it would be so funny to see someone in a wheelchair who was a little bit drunk trying to dance. But one of my friends said to me, “Kim”, we can dance just like anyone else, if you don’t like me, that’s their problem, not ours. We have just as much right to have fun as anybody else in this bar does. From that night on, I didn’t feel as different from the people that were in the bar.
I had my first steady boyfriend when I was in my second year at Bakersfield College. He was a character, me that people with disabilities do not have to sit at home and stare at the wall. Every weekend you would see him either at a party or a local dance club. If he wasn’t at a party or a bar, he would be out on Chester Avenue cruising with all the teenagers blasting his stereo. You could see him coming a mile away. People would stop and stare at what was coming down the street. He wasn’t afraid of anything he got a kick out of people coming up to him and asking about the stereo that he had put on his wheelchair One time he told me that a police officer stopped him for having his stereo up too loud while going down the streets. There were a couple of when I and a girlfriend would go with him. Well, let’s just say I didn’t like to be noticed, I was more in the background type and watch.
I have learned a lot from other people’s reactions to me; some were good, and others were bad. For instance, if I’m not able to drive, I take either Get-A-Lift or the city bus. Which I never had an issue with until this one particular Saturday when a friend and her husband wanted me to come to see their apartment, I got ready that morning and got on the city bus. I wasn’t too sure where they lived because I wasn’t too familiar with the south side of Bakersfield, so when I got downtown, I wasn’t too sure what bus to take. Once I figured out the route, I was on my way. When I arrived at their apartment, to my surprise, they were not even home. By that time, I was not too happy, I was upset and frustrated that I went all the way over for nothing. I wasn’t sure what time the bus was going to be coming back around, so I went back to the spot I had gotten off. I was angry and hot of course with those combinations my body moved out of control, much more when I was nervous. When I saw the bus coming, I tried to get on. When the bus stopped, the Driver asked me if I wanted on. At first, I wanted to ask him if he was going to the plaza. But because he had trouble understanding me. So, another rider told him that he thought I asked if he was going to the plaza, he looked at me and I said, “Yes”. While I was trying to get myself on the bus, the handle that was on my control box had come off of my wheelchair. Of course, I had trouble putting the damn thing back on. When I finally got myself situated, I could hear people talking about how I should not be by myself. This woman sitting across from me kept asking if I knew where I was going and if I knew where I lived.
While I was in elementary school before we intergraded. A man came to our classroom to talk about a wheelchair football team. He wanted to know if any of us would like to join the team. It was something new and sounded like it could be fun. We would practice on Fridays after school, for me it was a time I got to spend with friends out of school which I wouldn’t have otherwise wouldn’t have done. I’m not sure how long we had been a team when the coach said that we were going to have a prom and that we all had to have dates. At first, I wasn’t sure who I would go with. One day we were all waiting for the bus to go home from school. Larry and I were sitting on the grass, and that’s when ask him if he would like to go with me to the dance. He said he would like to go if he didn’t have to go in for surgery, I was so excited that was smiling all the way home.
My Mom took me shopping for a dress. We happen to see a lime green skirt paired with a matching top that had lace going around the whole outfit with a pair of black shoes. Everything was going well until we went to practice the day before the dance. Were all sitting around waiting to start practice when the coach said he just needed to ask if everyone was ready for tomorrow and if we all had dates. All you could hear in the gym was all of us yelling Yeah, but I overheard Larry talking to other people and saying that he was taking someone else. I was crushed. Sissy, a woman that came to help out will saw how upset I was getting. She asked if I was OK, I explained what I heard and that I didn’t know what I was going to do. She hugged me and said that it was going to be fine. I’m not sure what happened, because once the coach found out, he said not to worry and that he would take care of it.
The next day, My Mom dropped me off at Sissy’s to get ready for the dance. So after Sissy helped me get dressed, we took off for the dance. As we were walking in with my walker, that’s when Larry walked up to me and asked if he could walk me to my seat. In my head, I wanted to scream, but I was nice and let him. I do remember that there was a boy at the table waiting for me to be my date. Although the night wasn’t as I had planned, the rest of the night was fun.
I’m not sure of the time frame, it might have been a week or so that at school a boy came to me and asked if I would come with him that Larry had something to tell me. Of course, I was curious as to what he may say, so I went with him to see what Larry had to say. Well he was acting so nervous, I just was sitting there waiting for him to speak. When he finally didn’t he said that he liked me. All I was able to do was laugh, it wasn’t probably the best way to handle that situation, but I could not help it. As the bell went off to go back to class, the boy told me I wasn’t being nice. I was walking with my walker so it was hard for me to speak, so I couldn’t explain why I did what did. Do I wish I could go back and do things differently, don’t we all?
There was a grand opening at a store downtown, Joe and Tanice went to see what it was all about. While they were there, they entered a contest to win a pens oil race car built for kids. Luckily enough, they pulled Tanice’s name. Of course, when they brought the car home, all the neighborhood kids that we hung around with since we moved here. We have almost five acres that my Grandma gave to us, so we have a field in front of our house. Ronnie, who has been one of our neighbors, offered to drive over his tractor to make a track for all the kids to drive this little race car around in this field.
The next day we all went back out to drive the car again. I once again tried to get my Mom and Joe to let me drive this car, they finally broke down and let me drive the car. I was so excited that I was going to get to drive the car. Once Joe put me in the car, I took hold of the wheel with both hands and put one foot on the gas the other on the break. It was going well. I got out so the others could take their turn. I may have had one or two more chances before what happens will happen. The last time I drove the car, I started good but for some reason, my hands let go, and I wasn’t able to grasp the wheel. Of course, that meant that I lost control of the car because I still had my foot on the gas. There was a bob wire fence that surrounded our property and that’s where I ended up. Well, at least the front of the car. I wasn’t hurt, the car wasn’t hurt, but it did break because of all the weight of us kids. At least that’s what they told me.
When I went to high school, I and a few others needed assistance eating our lunch. Due to the circumstances, they felt it would be best to have a couple of people to assist us in eating in the classroom for a while; to make us feel more comfortable. Everything seemed all right until Jason Wheeler wanted to join the other students in the cafeteria. Of course, we all followed Jason individually since we all wanted to eat lunch in the cafeteria. The students assisting us didn’t want to continue doing the job, which I’m not sure why, I can speculate, but I could not say for sure. Lisa was a girl who came to South High after school began and as far as I knew she seemed to be quiet and shy. Maxine was like a school mother to all of us, if any of us needed any help, she would be there when we needed her. So, when the opportunity came for me to have someone assist me in eating that is how I met one of my best friends. It took a while for Lisa to feel comfortable enough to feel like she could speak freely to me, it was because of her background and what she had told me as to why she was put in a how when they found one, she had MD. I don’t think her parents could not or would not deal with Lisa’s situation. I felt she had a hard childhood. I liked to talk and get to know someone while they were helping me, so I would try to get to know her better. As time went by, Lisa started to be open with me, and that’s when we started to hang out after lunch. I knew that Lisa moved back home from a group home because her parents learned that she had MD which is an awful disability that slowly takes over the body. I didn’t know she had a disability referred to as MD at first. I did notice that she had a little trouble with her balance while she walked, but I wasn’t sure why. After some time, I went to spend the weekend at her house, at that time they were living in Taft which is a little way out of town. Shortly after that Lisa and her mom moved to town. I’m not sure how long after, but her mom got married and moved to Hawaii. Instead of taking Lisa with her, because of school and other things that were going on in each of their lives. That was why her mom set her up in an apartment. By this time, Lisa was using a wheelchair to get around, especially in the bathroom with a big shower. The apartment was nice, it was designed for wheelchair use so everything was with that in mind. When I visited, I loved to use her shower because it was big and had bars that I could hold on to. I know Lisa thought I wanted to be clean or just crazy. When Maxine came to pick us up to drive us to school, Lisa commented to Maxine, I must have liked to be clean because I took a shower every chance I got. Of course, it was high school, so we all know there is always going to be some drama, especially with girlfriends. When I went to South High, a school was deemed for the students who were physically and learning disabilities due to the flat grounds so that it would be easy to get around. Of course, we all took the same P.E. class, and every month we would watch a movie in the classroom. Those who had a class after that and were doing well in the classes that they were supposed to attend could stay and watch the rest of the movie. Lisa and I were sitting together teasing and joking around. She knew I kind of had a crush on a boy who was a student aid in the next-period class. Lisa said she likes you and he heard. I was so embarrassed that I put my head down so I wouldn’t have to see the look on his face. I was so upset at Lisa that I could not even talk to her. Days went by, he would not even look at me. I thought if I asked another friend to tell him it was a joke that I didn’t like him that way, he would go back and treat me like he did before. No, he didn’t, whenever he would hold the door for us, he would look for a way to avoid looking at me. I happened to be going into my locker and I found an envelope that had an invitation to Lisa’s graduation, that’s when I knew I was being ridiculous and needed my friend back. I didn’t go to her graduation since it was that evening. But we became great friends again. There have been lots of times that Lisa has been there for me, so when I was able to be there for her, I was more than glad too. It’s kind of crazy. Sometimes she would lose her balance which would cause her to fall, and I would need to get the hoist to help her back into her wheelchair. Another time was when she fell out of her bed. She would call me into her room. I would find that she would be half off her bed stuck and she would look at me as she rolled her eyes to say well I did it again. I would crawl over to her to push her back in bed. Of course, we both were laughing so hard that it took us longer to get her back in bed. It was little things that made a friendship like our work. Sometimes it would be hard to read how Lisa was feeling. Sometimes when Mom dropped me off, I would tell Mom she could be in a bad mood. So, when we got to the apartment, I would say to Mom, just don’t say too much. Of course, Mom went in and acted like Mom was at a party. I would watch Lisa’s face to see how she would react. Once I noticed that she had a big grin on her face, I knew she was great. And could she not, Mom has a way able her that people can’t help but smile and laugh. Lisa and I always went somewhere either with other friends or with each other. We had some crazy moments; some were crazier than others. I believe it was my twenty-second birthday. Tanice, my sister threw me a party at a bowling alley that had a bar. She invited a lot of people. Of course, everyone was taking turns buying me drinks, one after another, so I wasn’t feeling any pain, because we were drunk off our asses. Lisa and I both were pounding on a table and saying, “No one is paying attention to me”, I’m sure it was a sight to see. Here are two disabled women sitting at a table drunk and surrounded by people yelling and carrying on like two crazy people that don’t know what they are doing. We often went to bars on Saturday nights to have a good time and to be with other people. Well, there was a time that I happened to not eat and only had a few cokes before we all went out that night. That night, I had a few drinks which were called Blue Hawaii. Come to realize it wasn’t a good idea. I got sick all over the bar's table. My other friend Marilyn helped me outside. While we were waiting for some people, she knew to give me a ride back to Lisa’s apartment, Marilyn was trying to hold my head up with my hair. As someone was assisting me in a car, I recall a voice telling me not to get sick in their car, they gave me a small bucket so if I should get sick, please use that and not the floor of the car. They took me to Lisa’s apartment. That's when Lisa took over taking care of me. That is when she told and guided me by telling me to take a bath. Thank goodness she had a bath chair that lifted me up and down into the tub. When I was done, it lifted me back and down to get to the floor. By that time, I was sober enough to dress and get myself to bed.
There were some other strange moments, such as we were going back to Lisa's place, one of the ways there is an adult bookstore. Lisa wanted to go in and look around. Of course, being the scary cat that I was to go into those kinds of places, I think I would have been better off going in because when I stayed outside under the lights to wait for Lisa to come out, cars were passing by, which one of the cars had a few guys in one truck calling me names such pervert. It felt so odd because I didn’t even go in. There was a similar time that happened. Except there were a few other people with us. We all went downtown to a bar, and on the way back, Lisa noticed that her wheelchair was running out of power. Guess where we happened to be? Right by a strip club. Of course, I didn’t want to go in, so I stayed outside. I heard this guy saying hello to me, I recognized the voice, it was a man I knew from the camp. I was a little surprised and embarrassed, I explained why I was there. Then he said I should go look in the bookstore, I thought he just wanted to get me out of the eliminated outside, so I started to go in, and my eyes must have been as big as the wheels on my chair. As I started to turn my wheelchair in the bookstore halfway in the doorway, I backed my wheelchair up and then went right back outside to wait for Lisa and the others. I’m not sure who took Lisa home, but we made it home. Lisa was always looking out for me; it seemed as though she knew what I was feeling. I happened to meet a guy that came out here from Texas. Boy, I feel that I was in love. We talked about marriage and things and kids, of course, I wasn’t aware of what he was doing for extra income. What I was told was that he would go around to different mailboxes and somehow get people’s checking. That’s probably how he bought my Christmas present, who knows. Anyway, I think it was the day before New Year’s Eve and I was over Lisa’s planning what we were going to do. I believe that it was the night that Lisa got a phone call from Tim which is the name of the I was dating, his roommate called Lisa saying that Tim was gone. Lisa and I both replied, “Where “. All I heard was he went back home to Texas. Of course, we both were in shock. So, I asked if he and Harvy could come over to explain what was happening. When they arrived, to be honest, I don’t remember what was even said. Harvy took me for a car ride to help clear my mind, but I don’t remember even talking or asking why, he just let me look out the window. After a while, he asked if I was ready to go back and I nodded my head yes, and he took me back. The next day Lisa asked me if I wanted to go next door because we knew the guy was having a party. She thought it had taken my mind off Tim and what had happened in the last twenty-four hours, she made sure if I wanted to go, just give her a look and we would be out and be back in a flash. We did go and I was trying to enjoy the party, I believe we ended up staying for an hour or more. I was looking around, and people were having a great time. I just couldn’t. Lisa looked at me and knew it was time to go. We told ourselves home and before we each went to bed, we looked at each other and said, “Happy New Year”. No matter what goes on within your life, the world does go on. Time went by and had stayed in my little bubble getting over Tim, which wasn’t worth my time. I finally went back over to Lisa’s again. I did notice that things with Lisa were getting worse, she told me that it helped her when I came over because she felt safe to get out of her chair to sit on the sofa. I encouraged her to do so because I thought it would be good for her. I felt it was important to feel independent for as long as she possibly could. Time went by we both met boyfriends. From time to time, her boyfriend would bring Lisa over to my house, Lisa moved to her boyfriend’s house for one reason or another. I think some of them were for the support. One morning, we woke up to snow on the ground of Bakersfield California, which rarely happens here. Meghan wasn’t that old; my mom had dressed her to play in the snow. I was sitting in the doorway of our house watching Meghan play. I don’t remember seeing Lisa playing in looking like she was having fun. I think that was the last time I saw her. I heard that she had an enlarged heart. I’m not sure how long she had it, I feel it was there longer than they realized. She passed away shortly after. It was difficult to lose her, it was losing a part of the family. I will always remember what we shared all the great times, not some great times.
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Edit your content page from the Pages tab by clicking the edit button.
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Edit your content page from the Pages tab by clicking the edit button.
You can edit all of this text and replace it with what you want to write. Use the advanced editor to design this content page. Edit your content page from the Pages tab by clicking the edit button.
This is a content page where you can freely add any content such as text, images, links, etc.